Part 4 – A3: Relationships

The Autism Spectrum in the DSM-V

#neurodiversity #autism #dsmasd

What the DSM says

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history 3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for ex­ample, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

What it can mean

• I can't “adapt” my social interactions to the circumstances. I talk to all people the same way, whether it's bosses, co-workers, friends, teachers, family, or casual acquaintances. To me, that means I am equally casually-friendly to everyone. But I know people for whom it means being equally distanced and polite to everyone.
• Even when I understand the “clues” people give me (e.g. that they're uninterested in the conversation), I don't respond to . I don't know how to “control” the course of a conversation in that way
• When I don't know how to react to a situation, I laugh. I know it's an inappropriate reaction, but it's automatic. It has resulted in things like me laughing after someone told me about the death of an acquaintance
• I don't know what kinds of things are “appropriate” to say in a given context. I might make jokes or ask questions that aren't considered okay in that situation
• I don't notice when someone else is uninterested in our current conversatiom
• I have always enjoyed solitary daydreaming more than imaginative play involving other children. I am very imaginative; it felt like involving other children forced me to compromise on my own imagination
• I stopped actively building on friendships in elementary school. For example, I stopped inviting other children to play, but still played with them when invited myself. To the adults around me, this only became apparent years later, when I started going to a new school with no old friends to initiate contact with me. This didn't purely happen out of shyness, but because I had found my first special interest – and that was simply more interesting to me than other children. I filled my time thinking about my SI, so I didn't feel a need to ask others to play or talk
• When I was younger, everyone seemed to have strong preferences about who they liked. I didn't have a “favorite teacher” or even a “best” friend
• Sometimes I don't know if people are having fun with me or about me
• As a teen, I get along well with children and adults, but not with my peers. Children are less complicated, and easier to understand. And adults are more patient with me than my peers, probably because they don't expect me to be “on their level”
• I want to make friends, but I don't know how
• I am not interested in making friends. Sure, it sounds good in theory, but not great enough to put that much time and energy in it
• I'm mostly too caught up in my own mind to pay much attention to the people around me
• I have a “fantasy world” I am continuously working on. It's much more engaging than the “real world”, and I trust the people in it more than my RL friends
• Sometimes I am so focused on my own thoughts, that I don't even notice the people around me
• Socialising is tiring. I prefer being alone, or at least with only one other person
• i struggle to form relationships and make connections with people who aren't on the spectrum or otherwise neurodivergent
• when i was younger, even when there were people i hung out/around with, i felt constantly ostracized and rejected by them, because i was never saying or doing the right thing
• feeling like you have a friend group where no one is really your friend
• I don't like being around strangers, but there's one thing that makes new groups easier than old ones. Once you have a certain image of me, that's set in stone. I adapt to what people seem to expect of me. I can't change in front of people. The only way I can embrace new aspects of me is by meeting new people. Because I don't know how to change the way I act in a group I already know. I just... adapt. I adapt to the roles people give me, the assumptions they make about me.
• I have never had more than one friend at a time. Friendships are work.

Continue to Part 0 – Sources Part 1 – Introduction Part 2 – Social-emotional reciprocity Part 3 – Nonverbal communication Part 4 – Relationships Part 5 – Repetitive Behaviors